Activity can often times make us feel like we are moving in the direction of our goals, our dreams, our stated desires, when in fact we are not. Emotions associated with activity can be undermining our progress. Let me explain.
You decide in January that this is the year you are going to get healthy! You go to the book store, buy a book on diet, one on exercise, one on anti-aging. You even bring the books home and read them. A famous health speaker is going to be in town speaking at a healthy fair on a Saturday in March. You purchase the $40.00 ticket for VIP seating and get a friend to go along. You look on-line for blogs and sign up for their updates so you can get daily e-mails with motivating hints and tips along with some “healthy” recipes. You go every few weeks to the really expensive food store with the green logo and buy all organic fresh fruits and vegetables (many of which rot in your refrigerator). You’ve replaced french fries at lunch with a salad and you FEEL really good about all of your activity! Yeah!!!! 🙂
Unfortunately, by the end of March, the books have found a place on your shelf and they are collecting dust, you get so many e-mails daily you can’t read them all and they all say the same thing anyway so you delete them and although the health fair was really fun and enjoyable, you’re starting to feel like it’s all too much work. It’s not working anyway and you’re frustrated and decide you’re just going to eat ice cream and enjoy it.
What was missing? You were motivated – check. You “felt” like you were moving in the right direction – check. You got a friend to go with you to the seminar like you were supposed to do because you’re always supposed to do these things with others for more success, “they” tell you – check. Why didn’t it work?
Simply – you were fooled by your emotions. You were kidding yourself! All the activity had you believe you were moving in the right direction. In fact, you were moving in the right direction. You stopped moving, however, because you didn’t really know where you were going and how you were going to get there. You hadn’t clearly defined your goals, you hadn’t clearly identified the activities required to accomplish your goals and MOST IMPORTANTLY you hadn’t identified the measurements which would tell you if you are on the right track. The activity you engaged in, made you feel like you were meeting your goals and it was those feelings that fooled you and set you up for failure. Measurements are what help us validate our feelings – they are your friend!
Feelings can both motivate us and inhibit our progress. I am not in any way saying that we should ignore our emotions as they are what provide the texture of our lives. What I am saying is that we need to be aware that our emotions can fool us and we need to put practices in place that allow us to be successful in spite of those deceptive emotions.
There are many books, speakers, etc. out there that can teach you about planning. If you go that route, be careful you aren’t just buying the book “feeling” like you are making progress. Tell a SUPPORTIVE friend that you are buying a book or attending a workshop on planning, that you’re taking a new approach to your goals in life and ask them to check in on your progress. Accountability partners are a great help if they are truly supportive! Don’t use someone who doesn’t want you to change. You would be surprised how difficult it is for people who have been in your life forever to help you change. Often times they will feel threatened and want to sabotage your progress. Be wary – it’s best to use someone you can rely on to be brutally honest and supportive.
Here are the basics of successfully meeting your goals (health or otherwise):
- Know where you are going and what your goals are.
Sometimes not an easy step. Start with a simple journaling or vision boarding exercise. These methods are documented all over the internet. People have workshops to do this etc. A simple vision boarding workshop takes a few hours and you should be able to find one for under $50.00. Don’t spend thousands doing this unless you’ve got a lot of extra money. People do this on Sunday afternoons in their homes with friends. It’s not hard. - Know the activities required to meet your goals.
Write them down. Know what you must do daily, weekly, monthly, etc. to attain your goals. Not to shock you, but it is highly unlikely that you are the first one trying to attain your goals. Seek out people who have already done what you’re trying to do. Talk to them. Ask them how they were successful. People love to talk about themselves, they will tell you. Be willing to be the novice. This step is harder – don’t try to be the expert here. Ask, ask, ask. Talk to people. If you don’t get this step right you’ll end up going down paths that won’t get you to your desired destination. - Know your measures and know the frequency at which you will review your progress.
MEASURE YOUR ACTIVITY. MEASURE YOUR ACTIVITY. MEASURE YOUR ACTIVITY. I cannot say this enough. If your activity goal is to eat very clean 6 days per week, then assess daily to make sure you accomplished that activity. If not figure out why not or you won’t do it the next day either. If you are not following through on the required activities, figure out why. Seek out an expert to help. Maybe your goal isn’t big enough to pull you forward. Maybe your goal doesn’t really inspire you. Maybe you need money, time or maybe you simply don’t know how. If you get stuck, start talking to people. Someone in your circle knows someone who can help you get unstuck. - Be flexible.
If something isn’t working, don’t keep doing it because it was written down. Change it, re-align. Planes change course all the time. Winds, turbulence, other aircraft, storms, etc. get in their way and they have to re-adjust their course in order to arrive at their destination. Pretend you are a plane if it helps.
If you know your destination, you are passionate about that destination, you’ve identified all of the appropriate activities required to get there and you MEASURE YOUR FULFILLMENT OF those activities, you will be able to trust your emotions for they won’t be able to fool you any longer. Planning isn’t just for work. The right measurements won’t lie!
If you have no idea what your goals are, are confused by which activities you should pursue or how to identify the appropriate measurements, that’s a different story and I would recommend you seek out a qualified, credentialed expert to help you on your path. If you’re focused on career goals, seek out a coach who is an expert in career growth and development; relationships, seek out an expert in relationships (maybe even your pastor); health and well being seek out an expert in health (my preference of course is a licenseable Naturopath); running the marathon seek out a personal trainer. You get the picture. Good journey all!
